10 Ways to Improve Your Dating App Experience
Match. Bumble. Hinge. Tinder.
Another day passes and leaves you without an ounce of confidence that you’ve met the one.
If anything, you feel exhausted just thinking about reopening those apps.
You worry that you’re wasting time (and possibly money) - and will have nothing to show for it.
Dating can feel difficult. Dating apps can feel overwhelming.
You don’t want to spend your life catching plenty of fish in the sea. You want your fish.
So how can you best navigate the murky waters of dating apps?
Follow these tips to get the most out of your (temporary) time with online dating. Stop reeling in old tires so you can focus on finding the big catch!
It’s not about standing out
If you’re nervous about not having the coolest pictures, or the wittiest responses to those obligatory, prompted questions, that’s normal! But ask yourself: are you there to attract your ideal partner, or impress strangers?
You might be thinking, don’t I need to impress my partner to attract them?
Here’s the thing: you want someone who likes you for you, not the way you advertise yourself. So create a profile that unapologetically reflects, in a glimpse, the real you.
Honor your authenticity. To the right person, you’ll stand out naturally.
2. What should your profile do?
It should gatekeep. To the ill-intentioned, your profile should wave its sword and declare you shall not pass!
Arm your gatekeeper. Use pictures that showcase what’s important to you. This might include family, friends, pets, career, hobbies, or traveling.
Avoid vague or generic text sections; if you seek true connection, give others something to connect to. No, not your life story. Just your honest thoughts.
Answer all the available lifestyle questions. You know, the ones about children, smoking, religion, etc. If you’re serious about dating, it’s a useful filter to avoid wasting time.
3. Keep it clear and keep it moving
Dating becomes way easier when you know what you want.
Ever matched with someone whose profile did not communicate like-mindedness, but hey, they’re hot?
Yeah, time to dig deeper than that. You deserve the real thing, not another distraction.
List your desirable attributes in a partner (kind? Good with kids?), and the dealbreakers (must love outdoors? Same political views?). Try to focus outside of physical appearance.
Stick to that list when viewing profiles. Develop a cutthroat mentality. If someone is cute but has a dealbreaker, next. Trust that your person will attract you and meet your basic standards.
4. Meet the universe halfway
While respecting your personal dealbreakers, don’t go crazy with specifications.
For example, the last time I used dating apps, I resisted considering a long-distance relationship. Yet it wasn’t until I begrudgingly expanded my mile radius setting that I soon matched with my wonderful boyfriend. Who, by the way, checks every box on my list.
It will look different for everyone. Maybe long distance is simply a no-go for you. Is there a physical type that you rigidly pursue, or some other strict expectation?
Where can you loosen control but still honor your desires?
5. No one is owed anything
Understanding this concept will save you a lot of anxiety:
You owe no one anything, and they owe you nothing.
You’re trying, I assume, to find the person you marry. Not make friends. And certainly not people-please.
So regarding messaging, don’t take things personally. Remember, you have no idea what’s actually going on in someone’s life. Not being messaged back is never a reflection of your worth.
Likewise, you’re under no obligation to continue a conversation. It might feel rude at first, but no one will value your time and energy for you!
6. Wait to get intimate
It’s okay to talk to someone for a bit before meeting in person. Especially getting to know them on a platonic level before introducing explicit sexual flirting or interaction.
Why?
Because genuine relationships are nothing without a foundation of trust, communication, and companionship.
Physical chemistry can (and often does) blind people from seeing red flags. However quickly you engage physically with someone is your business. Just make sure to observe the person behind the appearance first, and check that the pace feels right to you, too.
7. Not all conversation is created equal
Speaking of getting to know someone, you can almost always tell if there’s true potential within the first few messages. No, really.
In any conversation, check for the following:
Curiosity - do they ask about things from your profile, or is it generic small talk?
Intent - do they bring up you and your life, or is it all about physical attraction?
Effort - are they consistent? Do they ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation going?
Basically, do they match your energy? If they’re genuinely interested, they will.
8. Maintain balance
Our society often portrays romance as the ultimate form of happiness. From movies to books to music, we’re a bit obsessed with the idea of love.
Love is a wonderful thing. But it’s not the only thing, and it exists in more forms than just romance.
While on your voyage, tend to all areas of your life. Career, friendships, personal interests, family. Maybe even take a break from your search to reset.
Balance time on the apps with time for yourself to keep from feeling frustrated or burnt out. Your first priority is yourself.
9. Grab your piggy bank
If you can, I advise using paid versions of dating apps. The paid version usually lets you do way more.
But more than that - in my experience, the free version generally attracts people who either want something casual, or they’re bored. Why pay for something when you’re not that invested in the results?
Look at your options and see what works with your budget. Again, it’s about creating the best possible filter.
10. Remember the real MVP
It’s you, of course.
A partner cannot make you happy. That has to start within. I can’t stress this enough.
So be your own partner. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Enjoy getting to know yourself. You can only connect to a significant other as deeply as you’ve connected to yourself.
Whether or not you’re a fan, RuPaul poses a great question: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”
Clear skies ahead
As you step aboard the SS Cupid’s Cruise, implement these tips to streamline your course.
Of course, I can’t promise that it will all be smooth sailing.
Catfish will swim rampant. Sirens will eagerly distract. You may think you’ve spotted the Loch Ness monster and have what seems like a lovely chat, only for it to plunge back into the deep, never to reemerge.
But you’re up for the challenge.
Because you now know how to set yourself up for success.
Get clear on what you want - and clearer on what you don’t. Your intuition can take the helm from there.
So go ahead. Cast your line.